Friday, December 31, 2010
Surrender is Stronger
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Sometimes I Think Out Loud...
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Take your time
Yes, this is part of the lyrics to a Tenth Avenue North song, but this line never leaves my mind. One thing I say about Anderson to people is, it suffers from what I like to call "Noah's Ark Syndrome", and if you haven't heard of this horrible disease, RUN! Its like everyone is pairing off into twos because apparently God is opening the flood gates tomorrow and you NEED a mate like you NEED oxygen. I love guys and everything, but dear goodness, do you people really need to run so quickly? And on that note, do you need to spread it to me?!
I guess the point of this Blog is to talk about things that have been on my mind and heart lately, and this is one of them.
God created us to love and be loved, so we not only desire his love- but earthly love as well. But the issue in being human is that I find myself desiring earthly love-or even like, more than I desire God's. Within myself, I have a real issue. I'm a complete hypocrite! I tell myself that God has my heart, why should I want a fella? I've gone 19 years without one, what will change? I know I don't need one to survive.
But then I think "Man, it would sure be nice to have one."
Sometimes, I wish I could listen to my own advice. But I'll admit, it is easier said than done.
I find myself often treating God like Santa Claus- "Dear Lord, I'd like him!" Or "Dear Lord, can I have a guy? One that is funny and fun to be around? One that loves you? You know, if you send me a Christian guy, our relationship will bring us closer to you..." I call myself out on the complete CRAP in my prayers. This relationship, is between me and God so I better wait it out. What I really need to do is focus on loving God, and I know that the exact moment I least expect it, I will have someone. Too bad I'm so impatient. I feel like this is something God and I constantly work on; patience and understanding. Sometimes I go nuts because I have no idea of what God is doing and then BAM I was wrong. Obviously.
What I constantly lose sight of, is that in the end, the only relationship that will ever matter- is my relationship with God. (Not that I think my relationships are pointless- because they aren't- I just hope that you get what I am saying.) I say all of this to say, sometimes- we need to stop looking for earthly love, and let God love on us. If we let God love on us, we will never be disappointed- and in the end, we will come out with something better than expected. So, I will end this with one of my favorite lines from a This Beautiful Republic EP- you know, because that's how I roll.
God, " You can take your time- you've got my heart in mind"
-jennie
"You can take Your time, you've got my heart in mind"
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
The Forgotten.
After a while, you get flustered with the fact that almost no one returns any form of contact. Maybe that is once again a sign that NC has nothing for me except memories and some great friends. In a way, that makes me sad. But things change, and people change. Right now, I am praying for a heart that is at ease. I feel like I am constantly searching. But what am I searching for? To be missed? To find someone to spend my time with? The good little Christian girl in the back of my head says "God should fill that void" but I have God! There is just something else missing, and I don't know what. Maybe that is what is fueling my hurt from being seemingly forgotten back home. It blows my mind how people can tell you that you are so important when their actions don't show it.
Since I have been gone, I have heard from maybe 4 or 5 people from my home church. No one responds to text messages, to facebook, to anything. All I can say is, no wonder no one ever returns to our church. Out of sight, out of mind. My dad gets defensive and says "they ask about you all of the time". But asking dad about how I am, and asking me are two completely different things. It is hard being so far from home, but no one really thinks about that.
I guess it is my fault for falling in love with a school 9 hours away. I keep on searching for the answer to my heart, but I don't know what it is. For now, I pray that God will lead me to the answer quickly. Something has to change. I always keep in mind that this is only part of my story, and God knows what all of this is for. Maybe I just have to walk in the valley until the sun shines. Like I said in my last post, sometimes you've got to be lost to be found. I just pray that I am found soon.
Until I get inspiration again,
love- jennie
Monday, September 20, 2010
Home.
For me, I think I'm just shy of 2,898,432 times. Not that I have kept count.
For the longest time, to me home was 105 Pinto Lane. For a little kid, that is where I felt safe. AND it made sense, I mean isn't "home" your house? Well, I learned that wasn't the case when we moved in middle school. Home was something more than four walls, it was a foundation, with a family inside. But what happens when the family is torn apart? What do you think home is when that changes?
Since May of 2008, I have been struggling with where exactly "home" is. Our physical house was still there, but everything inside of it had changed. I was all alone, with separated parents making trips back and forth between Mom and Dad's. Nothing was the same, and I never felt secure like I did when I was younger. I knew my parent's love was still there for me, but this wasn't the same. I felt lost in a town that I had always known, just waiting to find a place of my own.
As some of you know, I completely left everything I knew behind and moved to Indiana to go to school. This, this one place was my own. From the moment I set foot on campus, I just knew. This place was it. Over the last month, I have grown to dearly love this school, and the people here. After the years of constantly praying "God! Just get me out of here. Take me somewhere I belong. Take me somewhere where I know you want me to be!" I was finally here. I LOVE North Carolina, and I would do ANYTHING for my friends and family there, this is where I belong. I miss everyone so much, but I think that shows me how dearly I love them. Last week I got a card saying "Good friends are like stars. You don't always see them, but you know that they are always there." and how I have discovered that this is so true.
This weekend, I got the opportunity to stay with my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin (and my cousin's awesome girlfriend) in Indianapolis. For me, it was awesome being around a full family again. I mean, my parents come together for my sister and I, but it is a completely different dynamic. My aunt and uncle are so in love, and it shows. THAT is what I want one day. For the first time in over two years, I felt at home just sitting there with everyone. Completely whole, completely content. Finally, I had found home. Maybe not in the East side- but here, in Indiana. With my family and at school.
For me, I have been reminded that God never leaves us, or forsakes us- even if we feel like it. I might question why I felt lost for the last two years, but I've realized- you've gotta be lost to be found. One thing has remained true in my heart, wherever I go- whatever I do- God is with me, and he is faithful. He knew I wanted to find "home" - and here it is. I just had to be patient and ride out the storm. I'm not saying my life is insta-perfect. Because that would be a flat out lie. I'm just saying- that I am grateful & things are getting better.
In the words of Switchfoot- "This is home, now I'm finally where I belong."
(yes, I just ended with Switchfoot. Don't judge.)
-jennie
Tuesday, August 31, 2010
This is a change
My heart is feeling kind of...mystified. I came to school knowing exactly what I wanted to do with my life, and now, I am questioning it. My heart has been set on the Ministry for a long time. I know it is what I am called to do, but I just feel like the breaks came on all of a sudden or something. I feel like in time, everything will calm down and I will find my feet again. I just wish I knew what to do. My goal is to set my heart on God and if I find a guy, great. If not...oh well? All I know is, if I trust my heart to God- he won't hurt it. I guess that is something to remember.
Thanks for reading my whiny post, I hope your day is great!!!
Monday, August 16, 2010
"That's NOT What A Christian Would Say.."
They add these Christian artists on Facebook, and then absolutely SHRED the artist to pieces the very instant they say something that said people find "Non-christian". I have watched these online Facebook showdowns, and I can tell you, they are NOT pretty.
Often times, we as Christians put these Christian artists, authors, and figureheads on pedestals. It happens, it is something that humans do when they admire people. However, we also tend to forget that these Christians we have hoisted up, are just like the rest of us. They aren't perfect, I mean, have you looked in the mirror today? I sure have and I can tell you, I'm nowhere near perfect. The sad thing is, with the level of scrutiny that goes on, these few people have been such jerks that if I encountered them as a non-Christian, I'd forget the entire religion as a whole. We are a body of Christ. What good is it to have one hand constantly slapping the other? It makes it harder for the body to hug the ones that need it.
The fact of the matter is, people forget that Leaders are people too...and they are going to say what they want to say. You can, can't you? Either way, at the end of it all, YOU only answer for YOURSELF...so, the same goes for them. Stop worrying about it, geez.
To the ones that like to judge,
First of all, it is not your place to judge. So, get off your high horse and come with me down to the ground. We are all really nice down here AND we serve cookies.
Second of all, when did "NAKED" become non-Christian?! ADAM AND EVE WERE NAKED ALL THE FREAKING TIME IN EDEN!
Thirdly, if you are SOOOOOOO in tune with Jesus, how could you forget about the plank in your own eye and try to get the piece of wood out of someone else's?
If we all just stopped judging our fellow Christians' actions, and put all of that focus on loving other people, just THINK of what we could accomplish. I struggle with judging too, but I just don't know when it became okay to rip others apart. I understand that some of you think that I probably am wrong, and think that leaders should set an example. Well, they should. But none of the things that have been said are questionable. When the Christian leader starts talking about gathering pitchforks and hanging the nearest Rabbi, THEN we will talk.
Remember to love others as Christ loves us.
Until then,
Jen
Sunday, August 8, 2010
I don't even know.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Thoughts.
So, since I have posted the link to this on FB my site has gone from a whopping 9 views to 27 in two days. Part of me thinks there are legit readers, and part of me feels like there is someone out there mocking me. Mock away, have fun. I've noticed that I care a little too much of what other people think. I mean, we all have our faults, that's just one of mine.
Random thought: Do bible bangers ever get tired? I mean, that's a lot of work spending all of their time shoving their beliefs down other people's throats. Sometimes I think people spend too much time trying to convert people and forget about what the religion is all about. I hate the word religion. I have a particular faith, I just can't say religion. I don't like the word. However, these bible bangers, have they forgotten who Jesus was as a person? Please, show me the verse where Jesus said "and I command you, grab the sword of the spirit and shove it down thy neighbour's throat!". A) Jesus probably didn't speak like that and B) Jesus was pretty peaceful unless provoked. All I'm saying is, be respectful of others. Just because you listen to their thoughts doesn't mean that YOU have to believe in them. Stay strong in what you believe.
Random biblical thought,
"blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven". I'm just feeling poor in spirit today. I hope all of you are having a wonderful day.
-jennie
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Love.
These days, I am not necessarily looking for love- but looking to love. Not just one person, but those people in my path that need it. I fail at many things & undoubtedly, I'll fail at this at one point or another. But why focus on the inevitable failures, when you can celebrate the successes? Many people have goals in life. Well, here is mine- to simply love.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
I Surrender
I don't know about you, but I've always been told that when you are fighting a natural force (like, white water rapids) to surrender to the current. Well, when I think of God's plan for our lives, that instead of fighting the current, we should surrender, and go with the flow. I mean, what's the point of fighting it anyway? You're gonna lose at one point or another...
The wonderful thing about giving into God's plan is that in the end, you will have ended up with a better journey than you could have ever gone on that you charted. Tonight, I simply want you to read these lyrics from Sanctus Real's song Whatever You're Doing, and ask if you're fighting the current or going on the uncharted path God has for you. Personally, I find that I tend to fight the current. (I'm a bad swimmer anyways...I can't believe I've held on this long).
"It's time for healing, time to move on, its time to fix what's been broken too long. Time to make right, what has been wrong. its time to find somewhere I belong.
There's a wave that's crashing over me, and all I can do is surrender,
to whatever you're doing inside of me, It feels like chaos, but somehow there's peace, and its hard to surrender to what I can't see, but I'm giving in to something heavenly, something heavenly...
So, its not the whole song, but I suggest you look it up. You may hate it or love it. I, obviously love it and kinda hope you do too.
love,
-jennie
Monday, July 12, 2010
Change.
Usually, I don't openly share that I'm not a fan of change. I mean, if it betters the situation, I find change to be a good thing. However, my experiences with change have usually sucked. About 2 years ago now, my parents separated, my senior pastor left our church, and my youth pastor left. All within 3 months of each other. BAM, BAM, BAM, 2 of my major supports had just fallen. I'd be lying if I said I was over it, because well, I'm not. I still hold a lot of hurt from that experience. After dealing with all of that, change just freaks me out. Currently, I am attending an International Youth Convention in Florida, and my mind won't stop flipping to the past. My youth group now is a sad, pitiful shadow of the past. We let the change break us. I often wonder why God allowed all that to happen, and what would the youth be today if we actually trusted one another and trusted that God will take care of us. Change is a funny thing. You never really know it is coming until it is here. I talk a lot about living as if we know God. But now I wonder, does my youth as a whole interact like we know God? I don't see it anymore. This fact is not directed to any person, just to the group as a whole. I often miss what my youth used to be. We were close, and we truly loved one another. But as I look at the past, I realize that God does not mean for us to live it dwell in the past, but to live in the preset, and look forward to the future. Personally, I need to fix that about myself. I dwell too much. We need to move forward and change for the better. I have no idea why I wrote all of this, but I do want to challenge you. I challenge you to look at your life and see what needs to change. Do you dwell in what was, or what will be? Only you know. Change is inevitable, so embrace it. (Don't worry, I'm still talking to myself as well. These posts are getting depressing, I'll try to fix that :) )
love,
jennie
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Wait, what?
My old pastor used to say that there are two types of Christians,
1) The "Christians"
2) The Christ- followers
Ok, before you start to get all fussy, I will define them for you. The first one, the "Christians", are the ones that come to church either only on holidays or they are the ones that have their church pew "reserved" and they sit and stand at all the right times. Not saying that these are bad things, I'm just saying that their Christianity stays only at that. Once the service is over, they walk out the door and continue with their daily lives. The second one, the Christ-follower actually takes the time to LEARN about who Jesus was, study his teachings and try to follow his actions in his own life.
I think some people fail to REALLY realize the type of people Jesus chose to be around. Jesus chose to be around the misfits, the tax collectors, the "shady ladies" aka prostitutes. Jesus accepted everyone as they were. He loved them through their faults and imperfections. I just wonder what this world would be like if we just stopped judging one another and just really loving their neighbor. What if we loved people through our differences? We might not change the world, but it would probably get better. I challenge both of us to read and really understand who Jesus was and model our actions after his.
Perhaps if we all did this we would have a few less hypocrites around. Maybe.
Once again, just like standing in a garage doesn't make you a car, standing in a church doesn't make you a Christian.
Feel free to comment if you wish.
-jennie
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Heavy Heart
Sometimes, life happens. You know what I mean- everything just starts going and all of a sudden, you haven't seen so and so since who knows when, and you haven't called that one kid in ages. It never fails, for me at least, that all of a sudden, you feel like a complete jerk. I try to make time for everyone in my life, but the sad truth is- I'm only human. No one is ever forgotten, or not valued. I have personally just had scheduling issues (that comes with the territory these days.). A lot of times, whether the people know it or not, my heart gets heavy with guilt. I honestly do care about every person in my life, but I fall short. When I'm in a really thoughtful mood, I think about how God falls into this. We may have human imperfections, but God doesn't. The bible tells us that God will never leave us or forsake us. To me, that is just amazing. Comparing my crappy keep-you-feeling-loved with Gods unfailing, steadfast friendship- dude, I amount to NOTHING. Although humans can fail, God will never let you down. You're always loved, and never alone. That thought alone raises my heavy heart, and gives me hope. I choose to let my hope in God be never failing, and I hope you will too. Just as a reminder to all of my friends-I'll always love you, and not just that, I'll like you too. Peace be to you, -jennie
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Say WHAT?!?
Often, I have to remind myself of Mississippi's positives (aka we don't dwell on the fact that there is almost NO cell service) but like I said, there are positives. 1. I see where I get my personality (and "looks") from, and 2. on a clear night- you can see what seems to be every star in the sky. In reality, "when I look at the stars, I feel like myself" (thank you Switchfoot). I'm sure by now, you are wondering how the heck this even applies. Well, Yesterday, I was telling you all about how sometimes I feel hopelessly lost...but on a clear, star filled night here- God and I have some nice chats. Just think...the maker of the stars, loves you. Not only that, he actually likes you and wants you to love and like him back. In the words of Donald Miller "...loving people is different from liking them. Loving people, in a general sense, almost feels like a moral obligation. Liking people is more compulsive. Liking someone means that you want to be around them and enjoy their company..." Whoa. He goes on to quote Luke 15:2- "This Man receives sinners and eats with them". Hmmm, interesting right? It just makes me think...no matter how unsure I am in life, no matter how lost I feel, God will always love & like me enough to stop and talk under the stars. You guys, that is crazy. I know that personally, I don't deserve it. We are never alone, and if we get lost in the darkness, God will rescue us if we ask. I think that is important to know as we go along this journey. Even if my Blogs get a little ADD for you...I hope you kinda get what I'm saying. In a general sense, don't get discouraged. We will achieve our goal of getting to know God, by golly! So, Imma end there. Maybe tomorrow will make more sense. -jennie
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
uhhhh...I'm lost...
As some of you may know, I have spent the last few days on my grandparents' farm in Mississippi. Although there isn't really anything out here, i have to admit that I love the open pastures. For the first time, I have spent my time riding them in the 4 wheeler and just thinking about life....and honestly, I feel hopelessly lost. I am about to go to college and major in something I feel a calling to, but what if I absolutely suck?! I mean, think about it..anyone who knows me knows that I am what we call "organized chaos". I merely go on what I THINK God wants me to do.Sometimes, I wish the heavens would open up and God's voice would boom down saying, "JENNIE, DO THIS- IT'S WHAT YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO DO...OH, AND YOU WERE WONDERING ABOUT THIS DO- HERE'S THE ANSWER!". But obviously, that isn't going to happen. Honestly, most of the time I'm just unsteady. Fireflight has a line in Unbreakable that says- "Sometimes its hard to just keep going, but faith is moving without knowing. Can I trust what I can't see, to reach my destiny? I want to take control but I know better. God I want to dream again, take me where I've never been, I wanna go there, this time I'm not scared- now I am unbreakable, its unmistakable, no one can touch me- nothing can stop me." What if we were to think like this? It's my goal to. Well, honestly, I think I'm supposed to stop there. Let us go and be strong in our growing faith! - jennie
Monday, July 5, 2010
Where am I headed?
This entire journey to know God thing is new to both you guys and myself. Personally, I've been a "Christian" since like 4th grade. Want to know a secret? I only went to the altar for 3 reasons- 1. I didn't want to go to hell, 2. my heart was racing- it was exciting, 3. I had been begging for a long time to he baptized. My dad always told me that I didn't fully understand what it meant yet, and don't tell him, but to a certain extent- he was right. I'm not exactly proud of my salvation story, but there you go. Relient K has a line in one of their songs, asking "do you know what you are getting yourself into?" ...I wish someone had asked me that. Don't get me wrong, I'm ECSTATIC that I got myself into this. It wasn't until high school that I actually made an effort to know God. The sad part is, I didn't keep it up. So in a way, I'm trying to get to know God again. This isn't all about me though, its about you too! Think about where you are right now on your journey. Are you getting to know God for the first time? Or are we catching up with an old friend? I have no idea if there are readers out there, but if you are- please, take a moment and be honest with yourself. Do you know what you are getting yourself into? I hope so....because it will be AMAZING. Until next time, -jennie
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Life Stories
Ash and I host a weekly bible study. If you haven't gone, we would love to see you there. Anyways, this past week I led a what I would call "spastic" study about life stories. As you saw on the message, I really love Donald Miller's quote-
"Every life is like a story. Whether it is a story worth telling and talking about though, is up to you."
How true is this quote though? I mean, seriously. My life story this week probably includes some bible time, a lot of TV time, too much sleep, time with friends, and Dr. Pepper. How in the world does most of that even make up a good life story? Let us look at it and see what I have done to glorify God...mmk, that didn't take long to see that I did a big fat NADA. I mean, I attended church and led a bible study. Eh, well, not good enough. I like the saying- just because you stand in a garage doesn't make you a car. So, standing in a church doesn't make you a Christian. Ha, I'd like to share that with some people sometimes, even with myself.
I am reading a book titled The Christian Atheist: Believing in God But Living as If He Doesn't Exist. Honestly, it is an eye opener and I suggest that we ALL read it. I find myself living the life of a Christian Atheist at times. No, not what you are thinking. I am a good kid, promise. But sometimes we just get caught up into life, and put God in the back seat. (Well, he couldn't survive in my back seat, so, God kinda attempts to sit on top of the junk that is piled in my back seat. )
Think about where God is put in your life and what you are saying through your life story...are you proud? Honestly, I hope you are proud and WAY ahead of me. But if you aren't, let's work on this together.
Until next time my friends!
-jennie
**NOTE- I'm SO not saying that spending time with friends is/ was a waste. It isn't- It was just part of my life story this week :)