DC Thoughts

As some of you know, this past week I spent my spring break on a mission trip in Washington D.C.. I don't tell you this to get an applause, but to share reflections on my week.

Last week was definitely one of the most eye-opening weeks I have had in my life. I met homeless men with faith so great that I feel like I could only dream of it. I saw elderly women living by themselves in dirty homes, with no one to take care of them or spend the rest of their days with. I met people that had lived in DC all of their lives, but had never made it out of their neighborhoods to see the monuments. I met kids that just wanted to be loved on. I met homeless men that just took things as they came- and I saw others who are spending their lives to better other's.

Last week I was reminded that Jesus only asks us to do a few simple things. Take care of the widows and orphans. feed the hungry, clothe the homeless, treat our neighbor as ourselves, and to love God with all of our hearts, souls, and minds.

How distorted this has become.

Being a Christian in this modern world seems sometimes a self-righteous religion. For many, it is. But what they forget is that God asks us to do everything humbly. These Christians that say "Hey! Look at me and all I have done!" are no better than the priests and other church officials that Jesus himself often condemned. The very men that claimed to be followers of God, were more concerned with the decorative robes on their backs and having the attention- than really helping God's people. This seems all too similar to Christians today.

Christians are called to be the hands and feet of Christ here on earth. We are to do everything that Christ himself would do. We are to love, we are to tend to those that need mending, and we are to take care of one another- not just donate 20 cents to the salvation army at Christmas time.

I met a man named Mark last week. He was in his early 30's, handsome and very well dressed. Mark was homeless and going through a rehabilitation program at a men's homeless shelter. The men that we worked with were kind enough to share their stories and testimonies. Just a few years ago, Mark was a lieutenant in the DC Police. He was married to a beautiful woman, and had two children. Three years later, there is another man living in his house with his wife and kids- and he is in the shelter. He made the comment that no one ever came looking for him...and no one knows if he is alive or dead. But Mark said something I will never forget,

"I have more now then I ever did then...I would do anything to have my wife and kids back, but I have a God that has always and will always provide for me. I'm here to look after my brothers."

Not only Mark, but the other men going through the program with him all had faith so great...they were confident that God has and will always provide for them. They were more concerned about one another's well being as well as our well being than anything else. I honestly was humbled. Men who had everything taken away from them had more faith and hope in God than I do...and I've been blessed with food to eat and a roof over my head every night as well as so much more.

I was reminded that all I really have in this life, is me. Not saying that I can only rely on myself. But the only thing I truly poses in life...is my body- my...being. All I can honestly give to God is me. All I can give to my friends and family, is my love and support and friendship. I have nothing else that I can truly give.

Sometimes I wonder what this world would look like if we all just forgot about earthly success and just started caring for one another. I wonder if Christians actually started acting like Christ did, what a change would occur.

Last week I saw more of Jesus through the people we served, and the people that helped serve them every week than I have in many Christians or Christian organizations.

They don't just say, they do. Not only that, but they humbly admit that they have struggles and aren't perfect. They admitted that they could be hypocrites at times, but they were human. They reminded me that sitting in a Church pew every Sunday and singing doesn't make you a Christian just like standing in a garage making car noises doesn't make you a car.

If you talk the talk, walk the walk. Do what Jesus asks, and follow his actions. Love others, serve them and be humble. Do nothing for the glory of you, do it all for the glory of God.

Be a Christ follower.

The hardest part of this week wasn't seeing everything I saw, but seeing it and realizing that at the end of the week I was leaving to go back to my cushy life. I have never been so humbled, and so confused. God used these men and women to show me what I had been missing; a servant's heart.

I will walk in the ways of Christ, and serve as he served. I will be the hands and feet, because that is what I am asked to be. I can't lie and say I will never struggle with this, because I admit that I have struggles daily. But its the struggles that make you stronger.

-jennie

Just a Shout Out

So, as you all could tell- I've really been struggling this past week. I just wanted to write to you and say I'm sorry if I come across as bitter, harsh, or a whiner. Blogging is my thing, and this is how I let stuff out. We all have our weeks- and this has just been mine. From being super stressed- to bruising my tail bone, you guys have heard...or read it all. I'm not a bitter debbie downer, and I don't want you all to think that. I just try to be honest with my struggles so that you all might not feel so alone if you feel the same way. Thanks for reading my thoughts, kids. A new day is on the horizon :)

love,

-jennie

Ramblings of a Hungry Kid...

So, as most of you know I am doing this thing called The Daniel Fast...

Don't worry, this is the type of fasting you can talk about.

The past three days have been a real struggle both physically and mentally. But as life normally is, it has not been short on blessings.

I'm starting to realize, that things like food are just things of instant gratification. Like "ooh, that piece of cake looks good, I think I'll have one..." and BOOM! Desire fulfilled. But how many other things in our lives can we apply that to? Almost everything. The world today is filled with what I like to call "on demand" things. We have the internet, which can find what we are looking for almost instantly, we have fast food restaurants that give us food (almost) instantly, for goodness sakes, we have on- demand television. But as helpful and nice as it all is, it cheats us out of different gifts...like the gift of patience.

I can't lie, a struggle I have had recently is my single status. No matter how hard I pray, no matter how good I feel about where I am in life, I feel like I'm getting nothing. Like the big guy can't hear me. Then I think, well is what I'm asking for absurd? No...I don't think so. I mean, it is said that God knows the desires of your heart...and ask and it will be given to you...but why isn't anything happening? Why do I pray for contentment, when I do not receive it? But then it is pointed out to me, that I'm praying for the wrong thing...I need to pray for patience.

Patience and I...we aren't too great of friends. If I could, I would totally ask God for a written out plan for my life...but things don't work like that, now do they? I'm so used to getting what I ask for almost instantly, and now...I feel like I am entitled to insta-man! As nice as that would be, I have to come to terms that maybe what I am waiting for is just around the corner- and I just need to be patient and wait just a little longer. I realized, that I am content. I have amazing friends, an amazing family...my life, it is good. If this is my biggest complaint to God...then really, I have nothing to begrudge at all. There is more to this world than me. I should be more worried about the starving, hurting, and homeless. I should concentrate more on others than myself, and one day- when I least expect it- something amazing will happen.

So as lame as I feel about this...there it is guys. We all have struggles- and this is mine. I'm on day 3 of the fast, and well- I'm excited to see what God has in store.

But one thing I have realized, is that in this instant gratification thing, my valentines day has been instantly fixed, I'll spend it loving others, and the One that loves me the most. (I think we all know who that is....and if you don't it starts with a G and ends with od. Just if you were wondering...) Sorry to be so corny, but it is the truth. BTW- I AM SOOOO STILL WEARING BLACK! haha

Thanks for reading this post, guys :) Now, I've got to run to class.

-jennie

Thoughts.

Does the fact that I feel too weak to fight for what I want mean I'm lazy? I mean, stemming from my past- that every time I've fought for what I wanted, the battle was won by someone else?

Sometimes I wish that the scars left on my life weren't there. I wish that I could just move past it all and live without fear, but that is impossible. I blame God, when I know I shouldn't, for letting me get hurt. But why blame him when I said that I trusted him and then took things upon myself? Perhaps I am impatient and selfish...that could very well be true...but if God knows the desires of my heart, why wouldn't he grant me that? Yes, I know that his timing is perfect, and that he has reasons beyond my knowledge, but sometimes I just wish he would bless me with contentment. I am content sometimes...but the moment I celebrate my contentment, it is taken away once more. Yes, I realize that I sound like a whiny child...but you know we all think it! And if I'm the only one...whoops!

I firmly believe in God, and his plan for my life...my question is, when will my hopes and dreams be fulfilled? I love God, and I will follow him wherever he leads...but sometimes, I just wonder why I feel the way I do...and then, I realize I am only human.

I am starting a 21 day Fast today, and I will be praying for contentment, strength, and searching for other answers in my life. I just needed to get some thoughts out this first day.

God will never leave us, or forsake us...even in his silence- I choose to believe.

-jennie.

Love.

Last night we all sat up and listened to a sermon given by my friend Ben's youth pastor. She spoke on Love.

Anyone that knows me knows that I am a big fan of love. Not the mushy "I will love you forever", "Hey, let's go rent a Nicholas Sparks Movie" "love", but straight up love. As in, Love God, Love Others, Love the World. Besides, Nicholas Sparks movies make me bitter. Not a fan. But love, real love- I find it amazing.

Because I believe that love is real.

I have heard many times that "love" is a chemical reaction in the body and what not. Well, to an extent, yes, but love is more than that; it is a choice. Love is loving and supporting someone and listening to them, even when you are in the worst mood and completely exhausted. Its being there with the person when it feels like everyone has walked away. Love is placing someone higher than yourself and doing all that you can to insure that they are okay. Love knows no bounds and yes, often requires sacrifice. Love is selfless.

I aim to love, and honestly- I don't expect to be loved in return.

I am called to love. Yes, I know that sounds weird- but we all are. God sets the example- and we are to follow.

Just look at who Jesus spent his time with; the lowest of the low. He was constantly loving everyone around him, even if it hurt. Heck, he even loved Judas after the betrayal. I often feel like people and the church forget what love actually is. They forget why the church was created.

Just a reminder: The church was created to carry out the works of Christ. AKA: WE NEED TO BE LOVING PEOPLE AND HELPING THEM! It is time to stop passing judgement and love.

Love can be the most freeing thing on earth. Yes, it can come with a price, but in the end- it will all be restored and worth it.

Sometimes, I feel like people think that "love" really is that corny poo that is found in most Nicholas Sparks movies. As you can tell, I don't watch anything Nicholas Sparks...personally, I think that it over idealizes certain situations and raises people's expectations. Not that I don't believe it could happen- but I feel like girls get all sorts of ideas in their heads and condemn the heck out of the poor guy next to them that isn't a model/actor professing his undying love for her on the spot. Plus, I feel like it tarnishes love. Like I said, love is more than just a feeling, and well, this doesn't exactly show all that love can be.

Romantic love and what not is filled with emotion and feeling, but yet again, it also plays into making a choice (and everything I have already talked about). Every day, we choose to love.

I challenge all of you to choose to love. Just to love. It will be difficult at times, but love never fails. Love as the Father loves you.

Don't think I am just saying this, I believe it. And no, I am not naive. Love can change people, situations, and your life.

LOVE,

jennie

The Trust Issue

Let's face it, I think we all have trust issues. We are all scared that something or someone is going to come along, and disrupt and or destroy your life.

I know I have that fear.

I talk a lot about how if you decide to follow Christ, live it out. Well, if you say you trust in God...I think the only logical thing to do is act like it. Stop trying to take the reigns back on your life, because in the end...you'll end up in a ditch somewhere. Maybe literally, but hopefully we are just talking metaphorically right now. (Yes, I felt like imagining two people trying to direct a horse drawn carriage...just stick with the corny imagery for effect, okay?)

My question is, why would the creator of the universe try to ruin you? Exactly, he wouldn't. He has your best interest at heart, and only wants the best for you. Why do we all try to fight the tide? It makes absolutely no sense.

CS Lewis wrote in A Grief Observed that it seems like when everything is going well, it seems like God is guiding you and always there with you, but the moment something horrible happens, it is like the door is slammed and locked in your face. This is paraphrased...obviously...but I find this interesting because I can remember feeling and thinking this. But the thing to remember is, if God is guiding you in the good times, why don't you apply what you apparently learned in that time to he was super vocal to the times when he seems to be silent? Its like how you handle yourself in a time of crisis shows your character...perhaps the hard times are to show you how strong you actually are. Just a thought.

I guess I wrote this post today to reflect and to put the thought out there that if you believe what you say you believe, act like it. Trust in God, because there is no one better to trust in. I know trust is a scary thing...but sometimes, you've just got to believe and let yourself go. God promised you that he would never leave you or forsake you...I can't imagine anyone better to trust. Give him the reigns, and I can promise you that you'll end up in a far better place than you could have ever taken yourself.

love,

jennie

Surrender is Stronger

So, its a new year.

Whoopie.

Most people do resolutions, but that isn't really my thing...but I just wanted to take a moment to let all...like 9 of you guys that read this thing in on my thoughts.

I've been hiding the fact that I'm not who I was, and that I am completely dismayed with myself right now. Maybe it is obvious, but I'm not sure. Basically, I've been let myself hold onto open wounds, letting them get worse. I've let technology and things fill my life. I've been noticing what a complete hypocrite I am. In 2 Chronicles, Chapter 18, Jehosaphat and the King of Israel were discussing prophets, but were not sure the other 400 something were correct, so Jehosaphat asked the king if there were any prophets left, and the king's response? Yes, there is one man, Micaiah, but I hate his prophecies because they are never in my favor.

Every time I read this, I laugh. How much more human could that statement be? Its perfect! It sums up human nature. Who likes someone that seems to be against them? Even if it is the truth? Well, no one! I say this to say, I'd hate for someone to actually speak out about the condition of my heart. Micaiah would look me in the eyes and say, "Jennie, something is not right and you need to fix it."

I guess you could say that thats my new year's resolution: to clean up my life. Well, my spiritual life that is. Don't get me wrong, its not in shambles, but its nowhere near where I need it to be. God can only work on me if I let him in. This is where the healing begins. I just wanted to tell you all that maybe I won't make sense sometimes, but that is to be expected. I'll be spending more time away from my phone, from the world. I am discovering who I am, and teaching myself a lesson here. Once again, this is a seemingly random post, but it makes sense to me. The walls are being rebuilt so that the city can be restored.

If I believe what I say I believe, I need to act like it. I need to follow through, and be a better me.

Look up the lyrics to Of Men and Angels by The Rocket Summer. That is kind of one of the ways I am feeling right now...well not the entire fame thing, but you know what I mean.

I pray that 2011 will blow your mind.

love,

jennie.