Thoughts.

Does the fact that I feel too weak to fight for what I want mean I'm lazy? I mean, stemming from my past- that every time I've fought for what I wanted, the battle was won by someone else?

Sometimes I wish that the scars left on my life weren't there. I wish that I could just move past it all and live without fear, but that is impossible. I blame God, when I know I shouldn't, for letting me get hurt. But why blame him when I said that I trusted him and then took things upon myself? Perhaps I am impatient and selfish...that could very well be true...but if God knows the desires of my heart, why wouldn't he grant me that? Yes, I know that his timing is perfect, and that he has reasons beyond my knowledge, but sometimes I just wish he would bless me with contentment. I am content sometimes...but the moment I celebrate my contentment, it is taken away once more. Yes, I realize that I sound like a whiny child...but you know we all think it! And if I'm the only one...whoops!

I firmly believe in God, and his plan for my life...my question is, when will my hopes and dreams be fulfilled? I love God, and I will follow him wherever he leads...but sometimes, I just wonder why I feel the way I do...and then, I realize I am only human.

I am starting a 21 day Fast today, and I will be praying for contentment, strength, and searching for other answers in my life. I just needed to get some thoughts out this first day.

God will never leave us, or forsake us...even in his silence- I choose to believe.

-jennie.