Sometimes when you leave, it feels like people forget you exist. That, or they don't care.
After a while, you get flustered with the fact that almost no one returns any form of contact. Maybe that is once again a sign that NC has nothing for me except memories and some great friends. In a way, that makes me sad. But things change, and people change. Right now, I am praying for a heart that is at ease. I feel like I am constantly searching. But what am I searching for? To be missed? To find someone to spend my time with? The good little Christian girl in the back of my head says "God should fill that void" but I have God! There is just something else missing, and I don't know what. Maybe that is what is fueling my hurt from being seemingly forgotten back home. It blows my mind how people can tell you that you are so important when their actions don't show it.
Since I have been gone, I have heard from maybe 4 or 5 people from my home church. No one responds to text messages, to facebook, to anything. All I can say is, no wonder no one ever returns to our church. Out of sight, out of mind. My dad gets defensive and says "they ask about you all of the time". But asking dad about how I am, and asking me are two completely different things. It is hard being so far from home, but no one really thinks about that.
I guess it is my fault for falling in love with a school 9 hours away. I keep on searching for the answer to my heart, but I don't know what it is. For now, I pray that God will lead me to the answer quickly. Something has to change. I always keep in mind that this is only part of my story, and God knows what all of this is for. Maybe I just have to walk in the valley until the sun shines. Like I said in my last post, sometimes you've got to be lost to be found. I just pray that I am found soon.
Until I get inspiration again,
love- jennie
Jen,
ReplyDeleteI too remember the days when I wondered if anyone at home really misses me, but as you get older and spend more time away from home, people get caught up in their day to day lives. It isn't that they don't care about you, love you or want to talk to you. What does happen is they think about calling you but the need to just stay afloat in this crazy race of life sometimes makes it difficult to keep in contact. I'll never forget a comment Dad once shared with me: Good friends don't have to hold hands, but they always know the hand is there. People at church and back in NC love you, but, their lives are just as busy as yours! And yes, you do have God but I have to ask the Lord daily to fill my heart with his love, mercy, grace. I guess it reminds me of Psalm 90:14: "Satisfy me in the morning with your unfailing love, that I may sing for joy and be glad all of my days." In other words, we have to ask God to be our satisfaction daily. Besides, we haven't talked in over a week and you know that I love you and care about you... as do other people at home. You're missed and cherished and EVERYONE is ecstatic about the fact that you love Anderson! <3 Katie