Waiting

This week I have really been thinking a lot on waiting...as weird as it sounds. I think on waiting for things, and not settling for less than I deserve. Lately, I've been finding myself trying to beat down doors that obviously aren't supposed to be opened for me...and while I wait outside the door for it to be opened, I have really been pondering this verse:

"I've learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. I'm just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. I've found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything, in the One who makes me who I am." Philippians 4:11-13.

I have no idea why I try to make myself believe that I need more than I have now, but I guess that is just part of being human. Sometimes, we all want things that aren't good for us.

Everything will happen in it's own perfect timing.

Don't awaken change before it's time.

Don't move ahead before it's time.

Don't try to grow up before it's time.

Don't awaken love before it's time.

Doing anything before it's time will probably be disastrous, trust me, I know.

Things are going to happen, whether good or bad. We all just have to hold strong through the storm.

True contentment, well, for me at least, is when I know I'm doing what God wants me to do, or in a situation that God wants me to be in. That being the case, I don't know why I try to change things or get them rolling before their time. Let it be.

(no, this is not me being a lazy, non-go-getter, this is for those situations that you just have to wait. Just saying.)

Real

So, a few nights ago I had this weird dream that has really been bothering me...

In my dream, I had been asleep but woke up and went into another room to get something, and when I came back in the room, the rapture was happening. Like angel in the air (yeah, had a loin-cloth and everything- sadly cliche angel) and fire everywhere and low and behold, THERE WAS JESUS! So, what did I do? I fell on my face and said "Messiah! Please, remember me." But at that moment...I think the worst feeling I've ever experienced hit me- (or, one of them). I remember thinking in my dream "Oh, crap. I did absolutely nothing with my life and now, I don't have a chance to fix it." But the worst part is, Christ had no idea who I was...because I had only claimed his name my entire life, but never truly KNOWN him.

As much as I'd love to say that I mad this up, totally didn't. I can see it in my mind as if it had just happened. But the relief? I woke up.

I feel like everyone has different worst fears...fears of spiders and snakes, fears of tornadoes- heck, even fears of ladybugs. And while these fears are valid and I share the fear of the like first three...In all honesty, my worst fear is living for something in vain; Living like I knew God- but never actually taking the time to know him.

I give people a lot of crap for professing to know who God/Christ is,but living in a different way. But then I get to thinking...what is the difference between those people and me? I don't necessarily read my Bible daily like I should, and I tend to fall a lot, but in reality...I'm just as much of a hypocrite as they are...I'm just better with my actions.

CS Lewis has this quote: "Christianity, if false, is of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The one thing it cannot be is moderately important."

I guess my point in all of this, is that if you are going to do something- you either for it, or you're not. If you believe something- you either believe it or you don't. I know there are a lot of ifs, ands and buts in the grey areas- but in reality it can be either summed up one way or another.

Revelation 3:16 says "Because you are lukewarm-- neither hot nor cold--I am about to spit you out of my mouth". I mean, God isn't going to literally spit you out of his mouth...but its saying- you either know him, or you don't. You either live for him- or you don't. I think for me, I've got to remember that at the end of my time, I don't want to look back and see all of the times that I should have done one thing, but did another. I don't want to have that "Oh, crap!" feeling. The feeling of knowing that I did all that I could do, the feeling of knowing that I lived for God- THAT is the feeling that I want to experience.

This really trickles into everyone's faith practice. I don't know of anyone that wants to see a "fake Christian". Let's be real, they annoy ALL of us. The world would probably rather see someone be real than be a hypocrite any day. Kind of like a sales- person (yes, I am using this example. No, I am not equating a Christian with a sales-person.) When you are buying something- are you going to buy from the guy that you feel like is full of crap? Or are you going to buy from the guy that you felt was real with you?

Unless you have a thing for greasy sales-people, you are going to go with the real person.

I just think that we all need to be real with ourselves and be real with everyone else. In the end, you either lived for something, or you didn't. Just be real, the world doesn't need another fake.

Personally, I don't care to lie to everyone else- and I don't care to lie to myself. If I am who I say I am, and if I plan on being the Minister/ Missionary that I believe that I'm supposed to be- I should probably start reflecting this more and more in my life.

Don't get me wrong, its not like I'm NOT who I say I am, I am who I say I am...I could just use some improvement. But couldn't we all? (is there any more room for another 'I'?!)

Anyhow, thanks for reading this somewhat random post. Couldn't be as random as my last one, right?

So...is the Messiah is going to remember me? Yeah, buddy.

Jennie

You

It seems like every time I go to write now, I just can't put words to my thoughts. Like, I know what I want to say, but I'm not quite sure how to say it- or maybe I'm just too caught up in which subject I'll chose to talk about next. There is nothing like finally getting your words out there- like you're finally being heard. Well, this post might be a bit different than the rest- but who doesn't like different?

I guess there is no better place to start with my thoughts than from the beginning.

My friend Kristin has this quote in her room that says, "Wishing to be someone else is a waste of who you are." Until recently, I haven't realized how true that statement is. I catch myself wishing I were someone else, looked like someone else, had traits and qualities of someone else. But for what? So that I could be "happier". I think what it all boils down to is insecurities that I've ignored for a long time that are finally surfacing in my head. Insecurities of going to a school with beautiful people, having friends that I feel are gorgeous while I feel well, less than. I don't say all of this to make you all think that I have low self-esteem or self worth- because honestly I don't- I think it all is just me deciding what voice to listen to in my head. Do I listen to the thought that says "You are NOT that pretty. This is why no guy ever takes a second look at you. Its all based on the outside. You need to fix that." or the one that says "You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are beautiful- don't compare yourself to the others. You are YOU. Sure, there may be room for improvement- but you can do it! Don't get yourself down." More often than not, the little demon singing the ugly song wins.

What? Don't be so shocked. I'm pretty sure everyone struggles with this. Even if we don't admit it. There is always a voice in the back of your head whispering lies to yourself. I think that this little voice, is what leads us to wishing ourselves away. We get so caught up in what we could be, and not who we are- so caught up in what we could have, instead of what we have. In fact, I think if people would stop longing for money, social "worth", relationships, etc. they would have the time to realize just how many awesome things they have in their lives! They can realize just how AWESOME they are; they can SEE their blessings.

God made you, YOU for a reason. He blessed you with special talents, thoughts, abilities- for a reason; so that you can USE them! Lets say you could just pick up a Cello and play it perfectly without even trying, but you really want to play guitar- and can't play it worth a lick. What are you going to do? Are you going to use your gifts and stun the world with you cello skills? Or will you chose to attempt to play the guitar- in hopes that one day it might actually sound like music? As random as this example may be- think about it. Why allow yourself to be down about something that you are bad at- when you could be celebrating something that you are amazing at!

I guess I just say all of that to remind people to celebrate who they are, and to love themselves. Concentrate on the good, and not the bad. Don't dwell in what could be; dwell in what IS. Be excited about who you are! Here, I'll set the example.

I'm Jennie. I have an awesome life! I have been blessed with an amazing family, and some awesome friends. I am able to go to a wonderful college, to pursue what I want in life. I may get down on my appearance some days- but I am beautifully and wonderfully made. I'm really good at making people feel comfortable and loved- and I can be loud and obnoxious- but also witty. People feel safe to talk to me- and I love being able to love on people. I may be single- but that is so I can concentrate on the friendships and people that need a little more love- and concentrate on spending more time with my awesome God- and I know that one day I'll be pursued. I'm not always satisfied with my life, but at the moments I need it most- God sends me little pieces of hope and light. I have been blessed beyond measure- and I can sleep knowing I'm safe and loved tonight- and that is the best thing I could ever ask for. Maybe I can't sing or dance- maybe I can't be organized- maybe I'm not the "coolest" person in the world, but I'm me and I know I'm who God wants me to be- and THAT is all I will ever want.

BE who you are, and don't be ashamed.

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive that is Youer than You."-Dr. Seuss

Yes, I ended with the Seuss. Appreciate it.