You see, Hallelujah doesn't even begin to cover it.
Lately, I have been working through a lot. I have been under huge amounts of spiritual warfare (some of you will think I'm crazy, some of you will understand) and I've been dealing with a ton of trust issues, value issues, selfishness , restlessness, and jealousy. If you know me, I'd rather not be dealing with ANY of the above alone, needless to say we shouldn't add in the spiritual stuff.
You see, in dealing with these things...I have been doing a ton of yelling at God. I wouldn't recommend it...(this is where you imagine me humbly bowing and saying "Heavenly Father I come before you tonight to humbly say...WTF ARE YOU UP TO, MAN?!" ...kidding-- to an extent).
In these situations, when I am at my end and frustrated it is so easy for me to take it out on God. It is easy for me to stop praising him for all the little things and the big things. It is easy to become a hermit and stew about how you deserve more than this and how the Lord never listens to you and just gives all these x-number of people everything and you nothing. I mean, maybe you don't...but I do, and that is what I call the "ugly" side of my spirituality. I become a greedy bratty baby towards the Lord. What a serious shame.
You see, I serve the creator of the universe. The being that I claim created the heavens and the earth and everything in between. I claim to wake up every day and die to myself to live for this being that I know is present...and I have the gumption to act like a spoiled 5 year old.
Some days, my humanity embarrasses me.
I forget all too easily that if I claim Christ, I claim his timing; if I claim Christ I claim to be living for him and not for myself. I claim to love the least of these. I claim to love like Christ. I claim to be the hands and feet of Christ.
Why do I so often in a time of great frustration or trial hide my cross under my bed and forget everything I proclaim? Why do I suddenly become so much like Peter the night Christ was crucified?
I chose Hallelujah because the Lord your God is worthy of praise no matter what. We are infinitely blessed. We are not blessed because we live in the United States or some other wealthy country. We are not blessed because we can afford a car and college. Don't get me wrong-- those are blessings...but we are blessed because the Creator of the Universe chose to create us- and to love us beyond our faults. He chose to send his son to die a horrific death for our faults. We are blessed because he adores us whether we claim him or not-- we are blessed because to him, we are enough.
Hallelujah is sometimes the only word that I can get out lately. It is the word of "Lord, my soul is so broken and torn right now that I can't speak--but I will say hallelujah because you are worthy of my praise; because you will see me through this. Because you are sovereign."
I chose Hallelujah because if I teach my girls nothing else, I want them to know that the Lord is in control, and even when praising him is the last thing we want to do- He alone is worthy of our praise...
So,
Hallelujah! --"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.”-- Joshua 1:9
