Don't we all?
I have dreams of living out this incredible story. I dream of loving myself, of being this powerful Christian speaker that is so in love with God that it radiates to those surrounding me. I dream of being a wife that is loved, a wonderful mother to children that I have both given life to myself, and those that I have adopted in with my love. I dream of writing books, and leaving a legacy.
I dream of being remembered as that person that just loved God and others with every ounce of her being.
But all too often, I catch myself far from my dream. Or, I feel like I'm far from my dream.
I know it is becoming a semi- obsession (but not really...yet) but Donald Miller has this quote that I love. A quote that I tell my students, but one I never really apply to myself.
"Every life is like a story. Whether its worth telling and talking about, though, is up to you. People set out with grand dreams of changing the world, falling in love, doing something amazing. But the drift towards the merely acceptable happens almost without notice. That does not have to be your story." -Donald Miller (A Million Miles in a Thousand Years)
I don't say this to state that I think that I have a boring story now. I've actually had a pretty good story so far. There have been good times, and there have been some really hard times, but in all honesty, its my story. I wouldn't change it. However, I feel like I'm drifting to the merely acceptable and I'm only 19. There have been amazing opportunities that God has laid out for me, and I know there are more to come...but I feel as if I'm stuck on the path. Maybe we come across pauses in our paths so that we can work on ourselves. So that we can take a break and allow God to fix what is broken within us. Maybe the pit stop is part of the journey.
Whatever the situation, I can't help but to feel like stagnant water. Do any of you ever feel like that? I know I'm not alone.
I don't feel any growth. But even worse, I often feel too lazy to even try to grow. How sad is that?! I spend more time complaining that I'm not growing and changing or reaching my dreams than I do actually trying to reach the dreams.
You know the lukewarm Christian that Paul writes about in Revelation? I'm who he is talking about. Neither here nor there, and just fine with the mediocre.
That simply cannot happen any more. Mediocrity cannot be my life.
I think as a blog, this is more of a resolution. A resolution to no longer be mediocre. I want to be the best version of me possible.
There is so much of me that has developed because I've tried to fashion myself after Christ, but there is also so much of me that is completely and totally human. But I guess the positive here is that I see it. However, there is another part to all of this. I've got to keep myself in check with my dreams. Do I want to leave a legacy that speaks for myself? Or do I want to leave one that speaks to how amazing my Creator made me to be?
I know and believe that God has created my life to do something amazing. I just have to remember not to take the credit for myself. I've got to remember to not let my humanity take over. Sometimes I can see what I desire in life so clearly that it makes me impatient. Like, I know what I want...I just want it now. And this is when my friend patience likes to show up and taunt me.
But you know what? That is the great thing about stories. They don't all happen at once. They take time. They move at their own rate, and each with their own different twists and turns. They all have characters that are stronger in some areas than others, all with different dreams, and the best part? They all have a different beginning, climax, and ending.
I think that is one of the most beautiful things about life. We all have different stories, and every so often, we get to choose who we allow in our stories, and who we merge our stories with.
Personally, I think that there is a moment when we either consciously or subconsciously decide which direction we are going to let our lives go. Do we follow the harder path that leads to a greater view? Or do we go down the easier path to the view that we are more comfortable with?
God didn't create us with curiosity and ambition to live a mediocre life with acceptable views. He created us to live to our fullest potential. To stand at the peak of the mountain and have your breath taken away by all that He has laid out for you.
He created us to live amazing stories. But he doesn't promise us perfect stories. Nothing is going to be perfect in this life. There are going to be hardships, there are going to be obstacles, there are going to be rock slides. We all have a choice though, get stuck in the hardships, or have a hand there to help us pull through.
I think this is the part of my story where I realize that I am my own biggest obstacle. This is where I realize that I have been empowered and made to live a great story. This is where I learn to truly forgive, where I learn how to let myself truly heal, where I learn to let my glass walls down. This is where I admit, I have been happier, and this is me choosing to move forward with my story. I honestly want to live a life that is worthy of "Well done, my good and faithful servant."
Living a story worthy of telling isn't always going to be easy. But what is a good story without a few trials and tribulations? It makes the fact that you survived to tell the tale all the more sweet.
No more stagnant water. It isn't healthy. Live a life worthy of praise. (and I'm not just talking humanly praise here, people.)
Now, I can't lie...I've got to go physically sleep now.
